Sunday, August 10th – 33 weeks and having some trouble adjusting to the new world

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Riley is 33 weeks today.  I still get updates from my “what to expect” iphone app, which informed me today that if Riley were still growing inside of me she would be the size of a honeydew melon and weight anywhere from 4.2-5.8 lbs.  I now realize those fruit/veggie comparisons are not always the most accurate:)  It also informed me that I would have 7 weeks to go.  Goodness Riley Mae…you sure did come early!

I was thankful when I woke up this am and saw from the nicview camera that Riley was still in an open bed.  I was actually a little worried that the med team may have decided to switch her back over to the incubator after last night’s event, if she continued to have an increase in b’s and d’s.   However, so far so good…maybe.

My parents and I came in to visit Riley early this am before they began their trip back home.  They had some final bonding and pep talks with their grandchild, and overall Riley was doing well during the initial portion of our visit.  I held her for about 30 minutes or so, and she began having some increased difficulties (more desats), so I put her back in her plastic bin, feeling like maybe it was too much for her today.

During morning rounds, there were no new updates or changes.  All was status quo and they didn’t seem concerned about Riley having trouble adjusting to her new world.

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Went back home before lunch time to get Ian, and he and I stayed with Riley for the remainder of the day.  She continued to have several b’s and d’s, some that were pretty low.  The nurse also informed us that Riley’s temperature hasn’t been as stable, which is another sign she may not be tolerating her new environment.

I admit that I may have jumped the gun a bit thinking that I’d be able to hold Riley more than I actually will be able to, at least during the beginning, while Riley adjusts to her new world.  She is still only 33 weeks (and is 34 days old)…and despite the level of strength and resilience she has shown thus far, she is still fragile and has lots of growing left to do.  Coming out to an open bed is a huge milestone for Riley, but I admit that I may have gotten a little too excited about the change, and maybe even a little unrealistic about what it means for Riley (and myself).  I think I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I will likely not feel like a “real mom” until Riley is finally home with us.  That’s when I can hold my little girl whenever I want, without feeling like I’m going to break her, and without having a bunch of wires and tubes connected to her little body.  We still have several hurdles to jump before this dream becomes a reality…This little girl sure does know how to test mom and dad’s patience…:)

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Good thing I’m cute…

Ian and I both felt today was a long day (and at times torturous)  with the frequent dings and alarms.  We both admitted to one another (as a form of mentally preparing ourselves) that we wouldn’t be surprised if by tomorrow morning, Riley is back in the incubator.  We each gave her pep talks to “pull it together” and “knock it off,”  so we’ll see how far that takes us.  One day at a time…keep those prayers coming…

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Foaming at the mouth…
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Oh good God now I’m growing a giraffe body…I’ve obviously been in that giraffe incubator way too long..please don’t send me back!

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