Monday, August 4th – It finally hit me…I’m a mom!

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Riley had a new nurse again today.  She said Riley had a good night, and is currently on 25% O2 on her CPAP settings.  About 20 minutes of me being in the room this am, Riley had a low desat (into the 30s), and was unable to recover on her own, requiring the nurse to increase her O2 requirements and stimulate her (this can be anything from patting her on the bum, rubbing her foot, or having to lift her up in the seated position) with the purpose of reminding her to breathe… and this time it was all three!  These episodes continue to be a bit unnerving, but again, this is the name of the game…she’s still young and has some maturing left to do.

No new updates at rounds, except that Riley will have an eye exam tomorrow as part of a routine check-up for premies.  The purpose of these eye exams are to check for Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP), which is basically when the blood vessels in the retina of the eye do not develop normally.  They start examining her when she reaches a certain age/weight (which she has), and will continue to complete eye exams for at least several weeks to monitor the maturing of the vessels.  

Overall, Riley had an awesome day today!  She hardly desatted during her feedings (or in general) and her and I had a 2 hour kangaroo session that was completely uneventful and uninterrupted!  Before the kangaroo session she was really alert and active, so we “played” a bit and chatted…cuz that’s what we do:)  We talked about what we thought daddy might be doing at work (watching her on the nicview in between reading a few oil and gas titles…duh), we talked about grandma maybe visiting tomorrow, and nanners and nonno coming in on Wednesday, and we tried to differentiate between her dirty looks and gassy looks.  It was a lot of fun.

I have to admit that between the pre-kangaroo and kangaroo time today, I felt that Riley and I bonded to a level that we never have before, and it actually hit me….Holy Crap!I’m a mom and this is my child.  It may have been the way she looked at me a little different today…she looked at me with this distinct look…letting me know that “Hey mom, I know I kinda messed up and came a little early but I know you’re my ma and I love you…hope you still love me back.”  During kangaroo care, she reached up with her little hand, her fingers touched my lips, and I pressed them between my lips.  Every time I did this, and gave her a little kiss, with my chin resting on her fuzzy head, her sats would go up.  It was weird…but amazing.  I just wanted to squeeze her to show her how much I loved her…in fact I was thinking they really should make all parents watch a video on “don’t squeeze your baby too hard” for parents who maybe love their children too much in addition to that stupid shaken baby video they make you watch before being discharged from the hospital.  Riley was beyond content during kangaroo care today and it was almost as if her and I both finally realized…okay…this is my mom, this is my child, and the love we have for one another is one of a kind.  My mom has always told me that when you have kids, you have this love for them that is a level of love you never experienced with anyone else…you wouldn’t think you could ever love one being this much…and I now know exactly what she is referring to, because I experienced it today.  I officially started to feel like Riley’s mom today.  I’m a parent…not just a long-term babysitter.  

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Daddy stayed with Riley until her weigh in at 8:00pm.  She continues to gain weight…up to 3 lbs 10.4 oz.  Keep those rolls coming, Riley Mae!  

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