Friday, July 25th – A morning bet and a bad little joey

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Daily poop description: “HUGE poop this morning…she got me good,” says the nurse. (shocker)

Ian and I brought in muffins for the staff from the local bakery this am.  It’s just a very small token of thanks for everything they’re doing for Riley (and for us).  Well Ian and I had bought the muffins together last night, and he asked one of the nurses this am if she had tried the orange chocolate chip muffins.  I corrected him and explained there was no orange chocolate chip flavor, there were only regular chocolate chip muffins.  Well Ian being Ian, and believing that he is right as usual, couldn’t let this one go.  We made a bet, as I was 99.9% positive I had this one in the bag (although we never really said what we were betting on).  We tried looking on the bakery’s website to find the flavors, but no luck, and we hadn’t yet run into a nurse who had a chocolate chip muffin to ask them firsthand…they all seemed to be going for the blueberry.  So Ian decided to call the bakery.  He explained that he was in yesterday and bought muffins and had asked if the muffins he bought were the orange chocolate chip or just chocolate chip.  And when I heard him ask on the phone “So there was no orange liqueur or anything in the chocolate chip ones?” I knew I had won this one.  He hung up the phone with some sadness behind his grin, and said “You were right.”  (If only I had recorded that moment…)  I asked what I won…he said a muffin.  Well that’s disappointing.

During rounds, the docs expressed they are very happy with Riley’s continued progress.  They described her gas levels as “beautiful,” which was sort of strange but whatever.  This is referencing the oxygenation and blood levels they now test only weekly to make sure her settings don’t need to be changed on her CPAP.  They want to wean her down to a rate of 10 today on the CPAP machine.  Her O2 settings were at 22% this am, but increased slightly during the day (to 24%).  Feedings will stay the same, and continue to be 25 cc’s for now.  

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giving herself a pat on the back for all her good work…

Kangaroo time was a bit rough today.  We decided to try it again during a feeding.  So what happens is the the nurse literally hangs the breast milk-filled syringe on the back of the chair I sit in, which is connected to her oral gastric tube, and lets gravity do its work.  Riley tends to have an increase in desats when she feeds anyway, and we had tried this once before during kangaroo time, and it wasn’t very successful.  However, her settings were really good today and she had been doing “amazing” (per the nurse) all morning, so we gave it a go.  

Well Riley was a bad little joey, and she desatted nearly the entire 45 minutes of kangaroo care.  I tried several things to get her to recover on her own, such as patting her back and butt (as I’ve seen the nurses do this some times), change her positioning, and even gently held her mouth closed so she could get max benefit from the CPAP being administered through her nose (again, I’ve seen the nurses do this).  But…no luck.  I have to admit that it’s a terrible feeling…feeling like you can’t console or help your child.  That’s a mother’s job…our purpose.  And I couldn’t do it.  We’re supposed to have that motherly instinct and know what our child needs to feel better.  However, the solution just seemed to be beyond my control…out of my hands.  And the constant dinging of the monitors, with an inability to take my eyes off the rising and falling numbers, really takes away from what typically is my favorite time of the day.  Finally, one of the nurses came back in and decided it was time for her to go back.  She took my little one right from my arms, and I felt like I had done something wrong, or wasn’t able to make it right.  What a crappy feeling.

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On the brighter side, guess who now weighs 3 lbs??  This girl! She gained over 50 grams from her last weigh in.  The nurse triple checked because she couldn’t quite believe it.  I told Riley to take advantage of these moments…these moments when it’s a positive thing that number on the scale is going up:)  

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Overall, today was a bit of an emotional day for me.  I think it’s a combination of the fact that Ian will be going back to work next week, Riley didn’t have the best day herself in terms of frequent desats and me feeling a bit helpless in terms of being able to console my own child, and me beginning to thinking ahead to the next month or two, as I’m usually a planner and have trouble just “living in the moment” and taking it “day by day,” as I’ve been.  Ian reassured me that I’ll have plenty of other opportunities to console Riley, such as “when she gets her period, or when she breaks up with her first boyfriend that she’s not allowed to have until she’s 21, no 31.”  He always manages to put a smile on my face, even during my weakest moments.  What an amazing husband.  Wouldn’t want to be going through this with anyone else…

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Yes the purpose of the rolled up blanket around my body is to help contain my arms and legs, but I always break free!
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